The Official List of Things That Piss Me Off

Patrick — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 18:13:19 +0000

Most hip hop that comes out these days, specifically any variety of snap music; people that buy into said bullshit and drive around with it blasting out of their cars or have it as their ringtones; ringtones in general; people who can’t drive or who drive like shitheads; people who can drive better than me; people who can do anything else better than me; the fact that I don’t have a Mac; the fact that my mom, my girlfriend, and my best friend all have Macs; police around here; over-anxious, bored police in general; when Ben beats me in a NINJA CRISIS!!!!!!; when Courtney sticks her fingers in my butt; people who complain more than I do; people who get away with a lot more stuff than I do, have, or will; Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and every last other obnoxious publicity whore; people who are obsessed with said publicity whores and survive on Us Weekly and TMZ; people who swear more than I do; homophobes; over-the-top conservatives; over-the-top liberals; the four people left who still support Bush; people who bash Bush simply because it’s cool to do; people who don’t listen; cats; the fact that my dog smells horrible and still insists on trying to sleep on my bed (where only one horrible-smelling person is supposed to sleep, and that is me); closed-minded people; people who listen to shitty music; people who don’t listen to music period; people who have no sense of humor or who can’t appreciate my particularly warped one; girls who only go out with “cool/hot” guys who are almost always assholes and then have the audacity to bitch to me that all guys are insensitive pricks; fighting with my girlfriend; dumbasses who don’t believe in global warming; assholes who won’t shut the fuck up already about global warming; gas; driving (to clarify, I used to love it but now that I do nothing but it I fucking hate it); the fact that Ben didn’t stay here when he moved after Katrina; Ben’s steroid-enhanced muscles; people who don’t like Star Wars; people who have never seen Star Wars; people who don’t like Star Wars despite having never seen any of them; child molestors; when people don’t come to see me play; sixteen year old kids with BMW’s that their parents bought them; people that have nicer guitars than I do (which is everyone); people that won’t read all of this list; people who think taking pictures equals photography or makes them photographers; people who think that because they write a bunch of bullshit separated by line breaks that it equals poetry or makes them poets; girls who have pussies that smell like turkey; a girl I know to whom the last three things I listed apply; pretentious snobs; Fox News; when I fart and no one notices; middle-aged women who watch Desperate Housewives and think it speaks to them; people who are too stupid to grasp the concept of satire; anyone that has ever woken me up, whether I needed to be woken up or not; the process of waking up in general; people who make assumptions; hypocrites; people who don’t know the difference between good music/movies/whatever and music/movies/whatever that they like; when girls start talking about weight; the fact that Godzilla never visited Los Angeles; the fact that Los Angeles still hasn’t broken off the continent yet; wearing pants; people who think they’re hot shit and aren’t; people who are hot shit but don’t think they are; people who make the same face and peace sign in 20 million of the same MySpace pictures; slutty girls; people who blow me off; when I blow someone off; people who don’t speak English in places where English needs to be spoken (I’m talking to you, McDonald’s), people who listen to songs, but not albums; people who only talk about their car; people who talk on cell phones in movies; Bible-thumpers; holes in my socks.

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The Official List of Things That Piss Me Off